another moral hangover. fuck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
