I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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