ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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