Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
