so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
