I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
