I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
