I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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