Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
