need another drink. this is the easiest way
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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