At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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