Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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