U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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