trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
