I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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