Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
