new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
