I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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