Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
