:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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