So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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