Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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Everything about him screamed your future.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize