I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
