the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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