Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
