well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
