There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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