is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
