I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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