I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
