Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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