This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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