I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
