Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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