You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
