I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
