Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
