This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
