New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
