So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
