she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
