we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
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I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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