so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
