Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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