She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
