the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
