All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
