I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
