You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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