never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
