I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
