i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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