It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
