I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
