Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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