And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
