My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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