just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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