she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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