you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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