My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
